My colleague calls her boyfriend her golden ticket and it makes me sick. Do I tell him?: Ask Ellie
I have a temperamental bully colleague who started dating someone about 10 months ago.
She’s very narcissistic, and tells me things that other people would keep quiet, because she feels that I’m no threat to her plan. She’s very candid about knowing “who he was” and his financial status when she met him, and she went after him because of it. She considers him to be her future security so is doing what she can to lock him down.
She can’t stand his parents, considers them simple, was unbelievably critical of their house (not opulent enough for her), and hates his ex-wife and kids.
The kids haven’t warmed to her and she doesn’t care. She considers them an afterthought and not relevant to her goal.
She fakes it with all the family and most of their friends.
She says she keeps him drinking when they’re together. It’s so he doesn’t notice her faking her feelings, and so she can’t be annoyed by his non-stop business talk.
She tolerates the sex but convinces him that she loves it all — loves him, and that she’s so happy — so she can secure a life for her and her son.
She’s requesting expensive vacations and jewelry, and starting to alienate him from his friends and family by lying and exaggerating situations to make her seem like a victim.
She’s called him her golden ticket and it makes me sick. I don’t know this man, but apparently, he’s very nice.
I’ve listened to her for months and it makes me sick.
I’ve told her she should end things. She never will because of the wealth.
Do I have an obligation to warn him with an anonymous email or letter?
No. You don’t know him, and your motive just may include getting back at your colleague for her bullying rather than saving her boyfriend.
You’ve “listened for months,” but you didn’t have to.
You could’ve told her very early on that you find her duplicity offensive.
It wouldn’t have stopped her, but you wouldn’t have been an enabler by serving as her audience.
Back off now. Say you’ve heard enough.
I live in a townhouse with a six-foot wood privacy fence with spaces between the slats.
As you walk or drive by, you can see into my back patio area.
I often go topless inside my house, and want to hang out on my patio topless.
But I’m afraid that if someone sees me they can call it indecent exposure.
Is that going to be an issue when I’m inside my own yard?
The “property rights” vs. indecent exposure issue depends on the laws where you live.
Example: “Generally, in America (where this letter-writer lives) nudity is against the law in public places.
“Moreover, nudity is also generally illegal on a person’s own property if the nude person is visible to the public, such as through an open window or sunbathing nude in someone’s yard.”
I stress the word “generally,” quoted above from the website HG.org Legal Resources.
In Canada, according to www.criminal.findlaw.ca, “Canada’s Criminal Code forbids nudity in public places or on private property that’s exposed to public view without a lawful excuse.”
Issues with neighbours may then still arise, e.g. if there are curious children living nearby with parents who object.
Or if strangers and passersby gather to stare and/or take photos, putting your situation in the public domain.
The simplest solution to uncertainty — hang view-blocking art on the fence.
Tip of the day
When repeatedly listening to someone confiding nasty behaviour, you inadvertently become an enabler.
Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email or visit her website, ellieadvice.com. Follow @ellieadvice.
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