I slept with a stranger, then found his pregnant fiancée: Ask Ellie
I’m a single woman, 36, who recently went out with girlfriends and met a man at a bar.
He started sending obvious signals of interest from the minute our eyes met. He was soon buying me drinks along with his.
I’ve been single for a few months and was ready for a sexual encounter. I’m divorced, have no kids and am an independent woman who insists on using protection.
When we got to “his place,” he said his friend, who’s away on a course, let him stay there because he’s in the midst of moving.
I specifically asked him if he was married or involved with anyone. He said no.
Then he started grabbing and kissing me immediately.
I didn’t expect anything beyond the one night. He’s mid-30s, I knew little else about him. Everything was fine, we both had a good time.
But after, he wouldn’t look at me as I was leaving. I’d seen his credit card when he paid for my drink, so I looked him up on Facebook.
He’d lied to me.
When I checked him out, I learned that he’s getting married within a few months, that he and his fiancée already have a child and are expecting another.
I was sick and disgusted. I’d never have gone with him if I’d known that he was getting married. I feel so badly for his bride-to-be.
Why do people cheat when they already have someone they love enough to marry? How can they risk the effects that cheating and sex with a stranger can have on their kids?
Feel badly for yourself, too. You and he both came away from that event feeling crummy.
While some readers will place their moral outrage on your readiness for a one-night stand, you are an adult, unattached woman, free to make that choice.
BUT IF you can’t handle negative consequences — which seems obvious — you need to avoid them.
In this case, your judgment was off. You accepted the word of a man you didn’t know at all.
Turns out, he’s a skunk. He knew he was cheating on a woman eagerly awaiting her big day as a bride, and birth of their second child.
But he’s still behaving like a single guy free to drop his pants with a stranger.
I say it’s a sad encounter for both of you. And one that should tell you more about yourself, too.
If you feel disgusted by cheaters, you need to get to know a potential sex partner beforehand.
Married or attached people can’t cheat without willing partners.
Regarding dealing with volatile family members (April 14):
Reader: “My heart goes out to the grandmother and her son. Their hands are tied, at the mercy of the child’s mother. This family’s missing out on so much love and joy.
“I encourage Grandma to always send cards for birthdays, Christmas, etc., with a return address and phone number, but no gift since the mother would throw it away.
“Someday, the child may try to reach out to her.
“Unknown to the mother, I suggest buying a government bond each year in the boy’s name, or opening a bank account and depositing in it every month, for his future.
“When he grows up (teenager, or older) and wants to meet his father and his grandmother, they can show him that they never missed a gift for any special occasion.
“Grandma, you and your son both need to seek help.”
Tip of the day
Casual sex isn’t so casual if you can’t handle the consequences of helping someone cheat.
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