Dating Diaries: He wasn't what I expected, but that's OK
Tanya is 40, works in insurance, and lives in Roncesvalles. She says “I would say I’m cute, but not pretty or beautiful. If a guy says I’m beautiful I tend to assume he’s being insincere, because I’m not.” Tanya says “I work at home most of the time, so I don’t dress up. I pretty much live in sweats — and PJs, if I’m being totally honest.” Tanya says “I have a good personality. I love to surround myself with happy people. That’s not to say I’m not there for someone who is having a hard time. I’m a great friend. I’m always there when someone needs help or advice.” Tanya likes to go to the movies, “often alone, because when I go I tend to decide on a whim. I also like eating out at restaurants alone, with a book.” She says “I’d like to be with someone with a sense of humour.”
My preferred first meeting is coffee, then a second meeting would be an activity followed by coffee or lunch. If things progress, I would like to go on a proper date. I really don’t like going somewhere expensive. I know from experience that first dates are really interviews.
I’m proud that I support myself and don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. This is a good thing because I find dating difficult. I’m not a “natural” at it. I would prefer to be with someone who also supports themselves. I don’t want to support someone, and I can’t afford to live a lavish lifestyle. I’d describe myself as middle class.
Grady approached me on a dating site. He was one of the first people who messaged me. I thought I was supposed to wait for a guy to ask me out rather than take the bull by the horns and make the first “move.”
I didn’t even really look at his pictures. His comments were funny and made me laugh out loud. I suggested we meet the next day for coffee. As luck would have it, he lives very close to me so we didn’t have to go far to meet.
When I saw him at the coffee shop I noted he was better looking in real life, and that he used a really bad picture for his profile. Or that he isn’t photogenic.
I felt right at home with Grady. He was endearing. We talked for a long time. We have the same values and a similar sense of humour. It was apparent that this man had integrity and honour. However, early in the conversation he told me that he was in love with someone else. They had broken up because of distance and he was now making an effort to date other people. What!?
I’d been on dates before with men who only complained about women they had dated, so this was unexpected. But, it didn’t really phase me to be disappointed on a first date. I asked him how he met her, what she looked like, how the date went, and why it ended. It was just like I was interviewing him for Dating Diaries!
I knew that if I dated him, I would be his rebound girl, and I had no interest in that, so I decided we would just be friends. That said, he was so honest about where he was coming from, and he laughed easily. When he spoke about his late wife — not the same woman we had been talking about — he cried. I liked him.
We spoke for a few hours but I had a conference call I had to call in for, so I said goodbye and took the call in my car. Just as I was finishing my call he drove up beside me so our driver sides were facing. He told me he was going to get some dinner and asked if I wanted to join him. I sensed he needed someone in his life who could be a sounding board as part of his healing from his past relationships.
It was nice to talk over dinner, even if it didn’t begin or end as a love connection. We’re now good friends.
Tanya rates her date (out of 10): 6
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