Dating Diaries: He was great, until he went too far
Ty was someone I met online, and it started out really well. He actually had a good profile, and good photos, and he seemed to exude personality, which is in short supply in Toronto. He was cute. It seemed so promising!
We met for coffee, at a typical coffee shop. I like that as a first date because you can end it quickly if he turns out to be just another lame-o.
I liked him. Good sense of humour, and he smiled, which was nice. I can’t say that I was attracted to him right away. It takes me a while to warm up to guys, and they usually manage to mess it up first.
Things with Ty were going well until he began describing, in detail, his sexual preferences. I hadn’t asked for this information. I told him that it was much too early to have this conversation, and he stopped. We’d been having such a light, easygoing conversation, I almost understood why he thought it was okay to take it in that direction.
I decided to let it go, at least for that night. I realize a lot of guys aren’t sure about what is okay and not okay to talk about. Dating has changed in recent years. It was really bothering me, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt because even considering the outburst of inappropriate conversation, things with Ty were going much better than they usually go with men I meet online.
We had a normal conversation for a while. He had made a critical error, and I was wary of letting my guard down, but I eventually started to relax. Then, as if he was asking me about the weather, he asked me an unbelievably personal question, something I would hesitate to discuss with even my closest girlfriends.
I changed the subject. For a guy who’d reiterated that he was looking for a relationship, he was nevertheless preoccupied with hooking up.
That was it for me. I couldn’t get beyond his offensive questions. It was demoralizing. I just wanted to go home. He wanted me to come to his place, and I said absolutely not. I ended the date quickly.
I let it go for a couple of days, and didn’t respond to his texts. I wanted to try to see if there was a way around this in my head, but I couldn’t. In fact, the resentment and anger really began to snowball.
I tried to consider what was good about him, and I do think he’s a nice guy, but also just another boy-man who thinks too much with the brain between his legs. The more I thought about the way he had talked to me on a first date, when I had been nothing but polite, the more disgusted I was.
I texted him several days later, and told him that I didn’t want to see him again. He was fine with it.
Men blow it by being rude or immature, or by being boring and not making an effort. Most of the ones that don’t get a second date couldn’t “MAFE” as I like to put it: “Make A F****** Effort.” They show up looking like crap, aren’t very interesting, don’t ask questions, and leave the impression that they aren’t doing much with their lives. Then you get the rare outgoing guy, and they get too comfortable.
Next time I go on a date, I might just say upfront that I don’t like sex talk on first dates — assuming I ever go out with anyone again.
Jillian rates her date (out of 10): 6
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