Tabloids: Jennifer Lawrence's claws-out celebrity bridal battle
LIFE & STYLE
Cover: The audience that flocks to every week demands drama, so the mag finds photos of the Jennifer Lawrence bridal-party invitees — Emma Stone, Amy Schumer, Adele, Gaga — looking their most annoyed, and lays out allegations. The best dispute regards the bachelorette party: Schumer wants booze and strippers, and Adele wants a karaoke machine. How about Adele serenading the strippers? That way everyone’s happy, watching an oiled-up teary-eyed man slowly grind through “Someone Like You.”
Also feuding: Nicole Kidman and Reese Witherspoon, and ’s Ashley Martson and her husband, whom she is divorcing for a second time. I’m gonna check back in another 90 days, just in case.
Cover: Can’t wait to read those “intimate texts” between Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston? Too bad, because there’s really nothing here besides Brad saying he loves her — nice, but intimate? I expected something truly personal, like “My foot fungus is getting worse lol” or “asparagus making my pee all like (disgust face emoji) wth.”
Wandering star: Renee Zellweger and hubby Doyle Bramhall are drifting apart because he’s touring with Eric Clapton and she’s wherever she’s been for the last 10 years.
Cover: After welcoming son Crew last year, Chip and Joanna Gaines might be angling for a sixth child despite having clearly run out of good names.
No class: Lori Loughlin, facing 40 years in prison over the college-admission scandal, is engaging in “screaming matches” with her rich husband Mossimo, says an insider, and they’re “pointing the finger at each other, which is making the situation 100 times worse.” See, if this was whathad been like, I’d have been watching all this time.